I wasn’t asleep

I sit there watching you be in the position that I was in once upon a time. Sometimes, I think that maybe its better off this way, as this dream is no longer able to be reached, and no longer wanted to in that matter. But as I watch it tear you apart from the seems with its claws digging into you the way tht i once felt, I can’t seem to bare to look at it.

You risked alot to have him, something i never could or will do. But then again I know why sometimes I don’t put my all into people and watching you made me realize why. He doesn’t return the effort nor the sacrifices you’ve made into being with him and he is the first boy i have ever seen you sacrifice everything for. Although its seems so clear on what may happen sooner or later and I dont want you too get hurt like I did.

Easier

Have you noticed that when we were little and said we wanted to grow up and be 18 and whatever things we looked forward to now that they are not as exciting as we thought they were. Those long time friends become your enimies and lollipops turn into cigarette’s, the innocent ones turn into sluts, homework goes in the trash, detention becomes suspension, soda becomes vodka, kisses turn into sex. Sometimes i wish it was much more simple.

Drip drop

these tears fall around me, echoing in my ears. each drop slow and painful. i look around hoping that you’ll come and wipe the tears and replace it with the smile you give me. the smile that barely ever shows anymore, how can i smile when the reason i do is gone?

What the hell did i do

i sit here hoping that you’ll talk to me like you did, you presense that you gave me, overwhelmed me with such a feeling. i miss it, i miss how you’d talk and my cheeks would go bright red when you’d say something that gave me the butterflies, and how youd always talk about wanting to hug me and kiss me. and now we dont barely talk, what the fuck did i do? can you tell me that at the least!

i want you like you wanted me at the beginning, and now your not there to catch me when im falling, im tearing apart at the seems.

Save your soul

its good and feels amazing to get alot of stuff of your chest even if it may be hard. i never though she would be this accepting but she was. i told her everything i felt about the whole situation that could have made us never speak to each other again, but we are best friends and nothing in this world can change that. cause i don’t care what we go through just aslong as i go through it with you.

Mind reader

we all wear masks that hide us from each other. we try to find those people we think we can reveal ourselves to, but how do we reveal our deeps despairs and feelings with others when your too scared of what their mind may wonder to when you tell someone something they may not except?

 

Problems

Sometimes i don’t know what to write, even though I may have a thousand problems that crowd and bunch up in my mind, but for some reason I can’t seem to put it into the words that will let it flow out of my mind and into the open sky. There are so many people that I can’t seem to understand even though they are the closest people I may have to me.